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you tell me about the first night you were here:
the seafood restaurant your parents dragged you to,
your mom recognizing her dad
how your families ended up joining tables
how you locked eyes with her across the lobster,
small talk morphing into an all-night conversation
how grateful you were
finding a friendly face
in a place that seemed so snooty

you were enchanted
by those expensive saint laurent sunglasses
hanging just right in the dip of her v-neck
by the way she discussed politics and business,
not just echoing the opinions of her parents
seeming older than her seventeen years
that perfume,
something something pour femme 
so refined on her
you were enchanted
when she officially asked you out the next day,
as though she liked you so much
she couldn’t wait a second longer

less enchanting
now that you know her better:
how she always brings the subject back to herself
how she looks through you
when you try to share what you think
how she doesn’t hesitate
to buy you earrings in storefront windows,
but won’t listen to the playlists you send her

how quickly you fell into a relationship
that ate take up all of your time:
you’ve been here for a month
and have yet to make new friends besides me

i call her my best friend,
practically inseparable since birth
at less than half the age we are now
she knows everything about me
and vice versa
we’re each other’s best advocates
and worst critics,
boarding school didn’t change any of that
but lately she’s felt further than she did
when we were separated by physical distance —
guess it had to happen sooner or later

those things about her are all true,
doubly so for the people she dates
i’m grateful all over
that she and i never liked each other like that

and now here you are,
so close that i can see the clumps of mascara on your eyelashes
there are so many ways i could respond —
i like you, but i love her 
this is wrong 
we barely know each other 
people might think —  

fuck it
fuck it, fuck it, fuck it
do you want to stop? i ask
you shake your head,
put a finger on my lips
no more talking

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